What Feelings Love Gives You

Remember the old Bee Gees song, 'To Love Somebody?' One part of the refrain is 'What good does it do, if I ain't got you?' That line may not be grammatically correct, but it encapsulates the essence of what it means to love somebody. You want to share everything with them, and if you're not together, life seems pretty pointless and pretty hopeless.

Why Single Women Like Married Men

What drives a confident, smart and good looking single woman to seek married men in order to have a relationship?

Many women, who are extremely tied up at work, feel that being with a married man gives her the chance to have a casual affair where too much is never expected out of her.

Some single men admit that they wear a wedding ring just to attract women. This gives them an excuse to not get emotionally involved and they can limit the time they spend with a woman on pretext that they need to return home to their family. Single women dating married men are becoming increasingly common in our society now.

The obvious question for here is "Why ca not such a beautiful and accomplished woman just date a single guy?" The answers to this question can be varied. But the most common answer invariably is that they do not want excess baggage at this point in their life.

For ambitious single women, dating married men means that they can choose when they meet their lovers, they never have to entertain them after hours if they do not want to and they never get forced in to a live-in relationship.

For women who love their privacy and independence, this is an easy option. They also lose no time in bringing to notice that they are not the ones committing adultery. However, they are an active party to committing adultery and whether they like it or not, they are helping in breaking a home.

More often than not, these are confident women, they provide for themselves and they do not feel the need for a husband or kids in order to get emotional satisfaction or feel that their life is complete. However, no human being likes to be alone and even they need company, a sense of belonging, which must be momentary.

This is the truth behind single women dating married men, they need company but on their terms, they need love but on their terms.

The next obvious question is 'How do they feel about breaking a marriage'. Most women claim, that if the marriage was happy, the man would never want to have an affair with another woman.

Most single women dating married men claim that they never tempted the man in to having an affair, but the marriage must already be broken in spirit if the man is considering cheating on his wife. This rids them of any guilt, as they do not feel they broke a marriage but just took advantage of a breaking one.

They feel they played no part in threatening the marriage and refuse to take any responsibility for it. However, the truth is, they just wish to not be tied to any reasons or responsibilities, they never want to be a part of a relationship that is meaningful so they wish to be connected to a man who feels lonely as well because of a unhappy or failed marriage and is desperately trying to hold the pieces together.

Such a man, will never lean on them for support but just use the affair as a way to cleanse the mind of unwanted tensions, even if momentarily.

Are Americans more loving?

Love can rivet our attention to a single mate, instigate the process of romantic flirtation, lead to systematic patterns of courtship behavior, and on occasion culminate in marriage. Love helps parents bond in healthy ways with newborn offspring, leads to informative adolescent infatuations before more serious romantic pursuits, and serves as a social glue for functional interchanges of support amongst family and friends.

But even if love is universal, there are some very interesting cultural distinctions that emerge in the study. Here are a few outcomes/insights derived from the answers of 15,234 participants from 48 nations:

Nationality affects emotional investment, an indicator of love. As measured by an Emotional Investment Scale, countries in which people scored highest are the United States, Slovenia, and Cyprus. Low-scoring nations were Tanzania, Hong Kong, and Japan.

Focusing on men alone, the countries with the most emotionally invested males are the United States, Brazil, Portugal, Argentina, Philippines, and Greece.

The countries with the most emotionally invested women are Slovenia, the United States, Malta, Cyprus, Australia, and Argentina.

In almost every country, women reported higher levels of emotional investment than did men. But there are a few notable exceptions: In Bolivia, men and women were identical in their average levels of Emotional Investment, and Malaysia, men scored higher than women (though not significantly so). The researchers suggest there is something restricting women’s reporting of their romantic investment in these two cultures.

Oddly, sex differences in emotional Investment were larger in nations with high gender equality (e.g., Switzerland, Australia, and Germany) and were smaller in nations with low gender equality (e.g., Turkey, South Korea, and Bolivia). The researchers claim: “What appears to be happening is that greater gender equality is associated with higher Emotional Investment among both men and women, but the accentuating effects of gender equality on Emotional Investment are greater among women, leading to larger levels of the naturally-occurring sex difference in Emotional Investment.”

Stress reduces emotional investment. In cultures with high stress (e.g., Bolivia, Indonesia, and Malaysia), levels of Emotional Investment were significantly lower, especially among women. High national levels of stress (Infant Mortality rates, Childhood Malnutrition rates, and the Pathogen Stress experienced in local environments) —were also linked to lower levels of Emotional Investment. This is predicted by evolutionary theory: harsh conditions lead people to develop insecure attachment levels that result in lower emotional investment.

Emotional investment doesn’t lead to higher fertility rates.To the contrary: countries with lower emotional investment levels among women were related to higher fertility levels.

Countries scoring high in emotional investment don’t have stronger marriages. To the contrary: national levels of emotional investment were positively correlated with divorce rate, unrestricted sociosexuality, short-term mating interests, and the tendency to engage in short-term mate poaching (i.e., stealing someone else’s partner for a short-term sexual affair)

Emotional investment is linked with commitment, but there are nationwide exceptions. Individuals from North America who reported more unrestricted sociosexuality reported lower levels of emotional investment. Similar results were observed within the world regions of South America, Eastern Europe, and Oceania. However, unrestricted sociosexual individuals from South/Southeast Asia and East Asia reported higher levels of emotional investment. Moreover, individuals from Africa who were interested in short-term mating reported significantly higher levels of emotional investment.

Emotional investment peaks when dating one person. It’s somewhat lower among those who are living with someone, married, or currently single (in that order); and is significantly lower than that among those who have never had sex.

Schmitt admits that people from different cultures may express emotional investment differently (have different response biases) and in ways hard to quantify on a standardized scale. Moreover, the questions were written in English and translated into the native languages of the participants. Could this possibly bias the U.S. results — or are Americans really more loving?

Intimacy, Love & Desire

What is intimacy? I think it's a special feeling of closeness where we can be ourselves with each other. When we can be completely free to say whatever we want -- no matter how personal or sensitive -- then there is intimacy.

What is chemistry? I think chemistry occurs when people feel a certain cosmic, spiritual, soulful, or sexual synchronicity. This is when we feel we understand someone; we can relate to them without them having to explain themselves. It is when we know what someone is going to say, before they say it, or know what someone is going to do, before they do it.

What is love? I believe love to be the foundation of eternal trust and unconditional acceptance. When we fear not the other person's actions, truly acknowledge all their choices, and totally be with them, then there is love.

What is desire? Desire is a "calling" that we feel, a powerful and compelling attraction, or the feeling of a destiny yet to be fulfilled. Desire is the ignition of passion.

What is connection? That's our spirit at work -- causing a spark, an electric current, or a vibration. It's that link which fuels our energy and drives us to do the things we wouldn't otherwise do.

What is life? It is a journey to discover, explore, and experience miracles like these.

Love & Money

One of the topics that frequently comes up in couples' therapy is conflicts concerning money.

This is usually even more of an issue right before the holidays, when couples may be deciding whether to create large credit card balances from holiday shopping sprees.

Early in a relationship, couples will often unconsciously choose roles to play around money: one person is the spontaneous child & the other is a critical parent.

In this situation, there is typically no firm budget set, and the "child" part of the couple either spends much more than the "parent" wants, or the "child" part whines & begs constantly that they need more money to buy something.

The "parent" part of the couple wants to please his or her partner, and reluctantly gives permission for the purchase, even though they may resent it.

This pattern is dangerous to the long-term health of the relationship because it is a guaranteed set-up for more anger, resentment, and distance in the future. Both people quickly tire of their roles.

The "child" person hates to have to ask, and the "parent" person hates to say no. Often each is unconsciously acting out emotional issues from their families of origins & re-creating a dysfunction outcome in the relationship.

If you notice that you & your partner are displaying this pattern in dealing with money, try the following suggestions which have been shown to be very helpful for couples:

Make a budget together, including allowances for gifts, going out & other fun activities. You may need to track all expenses for a month or two to do this accurately;

Create a system whereby it is the budget which gives 'permission' for purchases, automatically & mechanically, without impulsivity or emotion playing a role;

Review the budget monthly to see how it is working for both of you. By consciously choosing to deal with money in an adult, rational manner, you both avoid the parent/child roles.

This also frees up space emotionally to look at why you unconsciously adopted those roles early in your relationship, and what gratification or payoff those roles were giving you.

People often think of financial planning, but as a couple you are also wise to think of emotional planning as well.

Anything which consistently generates resentment, anger, and/or distance in your relationship will inevitably lead to major problems in the future. If you have emotional issues to resolve, learn how to do it directly instead of playing them out through money.